This Is Not A Burrito Review

I caught a bit of a cold and still can't taste well enough to adequately assess burritos. Instead, I'll be grading High Tech Burrito's nuclear salsa's ability to melt the snot that's clogging my sinuses on a pass/no pass basis. They'll get extra credit for making me cry. The burrito I'm using as a salsa vector conforms to the burritology standards -- pork, pinto beans, no sour cream/guac/cheese, but this is NOT the HTB review. That will come later. This is just an exercise in extreme picante liveblogging.

The foil has been torn.

First bite. Mostly tortilla. Excess tortilla isn't really a problem, it keeps burrito juice from leaking out of the bottom.

Second bite. I can detect hints of the nuclear salsa I used to eat so much more frequently when I lived near an HTB, but I either didn't get much of it or it's been weakened.

Third bite. Come to think of it, it was quite a hike from HTB back here. Maybe the salsa settled to the bottom.

Fourth bite. There's that heat!

Fifth bite. Mostly rice. Oh, HTB gives you more options than most places. If you wish to recreate this exact burrito, it's a regular pork burrito on a white tortilla with pinto beans, spanish rice and (of course) nuclear salsa. No extras.

Sixth bite. My nose is running.

Seventh bite. I thought I'd be crying by now. Oh well.

Eighth bite. Yeah, this stuff is still way hot.

Ninth bite. It seems that the salsa adheres mostly to the beans, while the pork and rice remain relatively dry. This bite was mostly beans.

Tenth bite. I'm getting a warm feeling in my stomach.

Eleventh bite. I highly suggest that you consume your first nuclear burrito at HTB. They have pitchers of icewater with slices of lemon. It's the best drink for mitigating heat, of both the picante and caliente varieties.

Twelfth bite. Isn't that a play?

Thirteenth bite. I don't know if I'm getting used to the salsa or if there was a big glob in the middle without much towards the ends.

Fourteenth bite. I don't think they're getting any extra credit.

Fifteenth bite. I pause to pick pork out of teeth. I'm allowed to do this because I'm alone in my apartment in my underwear.

Sixteenth bite. No, it's nothing perverted. I just don't have to wash clothes as frequently this way.

Seventeenth bite. Only two bites left. Or maybe I could cram the rest into my mouth all at once.

Eighteenth bite. Mmph, aghh crmphd t ll n.

Well, let's see if I'm still full of snot.

I am. Sorry, HTB. You failed.